Misty D. Watson

Fear has held me back more than I like to admit.

I’ve stayed on the safe path. Comfortable. Familiar. Worn. Well-lit.

I didn’t go far from home for college. I didn’t move away to explore and find new experiences. I didn’t take chances.

My calculated risks always came with a giant safety net.

Failure was not an option.

So I talk of writing my story. I talk of the books I wish I had time to research and write. The ideas rotate around in my head, waiting on me to find the time to see them through.

There has always been an excuse. I was working too many hours while trying to cling to my marriage while trying to be a good Christian who was active in my church. The Recession left me searching for how to meet our basic needs. How was I supposed to find the time to write when I couldn’t even always afford groceries?

Then I had a child. Then I switched careers. I experienced a few downward spirals of my mental health.

Then I went through a divorce, I had to renovate a couple of houses, my master’s degree, a global pandemic, another career change, I lost my dad unexpectedly, inflation keeps me working 60 hours a week plus my daughter is involved in several activities…

And sure, those major life events consume large chunks of time.

But the truth is, they’re not what holds me back.

It is the fear of rejection. It is the fear of putting myself out there. To write, to really write, means you’re vulnerable. It means you share your failures and your embarrassments along with your successes.

In my newspaper days, I did this. I had a weekly lifestyle column for several years. No topic was off limits. From stories about growing up in rural Northwest Georgia to politics and religion, food to The Andy Griffith Show, being a liberal millennial to becoming a mom, I wrote whatever was on my mind.

I had an editor. I had someone who was meticulous, fact-checked me, helped me think through what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it. I put myself out there, but I had that safety net in place.

I learned my voice. I challenged not only my readers, but myself to grow my beliefs, to adapt, to change. Most importantly, I learned to listen. I learned empathy. I learned appreciation for other points of view.

I never learned to let go of that fear of failure though.

I strongly believe that you need to feel uncomfortable in order to grow. For the last several years, I’ve needed recovery and rest. I needed to step into the wilderness, retreat, heal.

But I have to be careful not to stay there.

So, here I am. Vulnerable. Stepping out of my warm, fuzzy box that has protected me.

Just like when I had my column, no topic is off limits, from my crazy adventures to religion to politics to social issues.

I want to make people think, to challenge people’s beliefs – my own included. I want to grow and evolve and explore, and we can only do that through facing our fears.

This is it. This is me stepping out there.

We’ll see where it takes me.